Post Divorce Dating Tips for Men
The guys will try to be helpful by telling a newly divorced man that the fastest way to get over a woman is to get back out there and find another one. If only life was that simple. Regardless of blame, getting divorced remains one of the most stressful and life-altering experiences people go through. In many ways, newly divorced men face a very hard time. For one, these men often lack any real emotional support, unlike women who naturally find it easier to support one other.
Many men, even in these enlightened times, still find it difficult to talk through their feelings. This on its own complicates and delays emotional recovery. Even so, there eventually comes a time when it is sensible to follow the guys’ advice and get back out on the dating scene and start looking for a woman again, often with some help from friends or using some of the best apps for dating. So just for the divorced guys, here are a few useful tips on when and how to start looking for a relationship again.
1. Don’t Be Hasty
Whether you’ve been married for years or only hitched for a while, it’s normal to feel lonely after divorce. For some guys the temptation to go out and find as many women is strong, but it’s actually better to hold your horses and be patient. Instead, concentrate for a while on steadying yourself, read some self-help books for men and work on regaining some sort of inner equilibrium before making moves to find another relationship.
2. Time To Heal
Even though guys often have trouble admitting they are hurting, there’s nothing wrong with taking time to mourn the loss of your marriage. Divorce is always traumatic in one way or another. Taking time to get over any associated negative feelings, such as disappointment, shame and the future you had planned is only going to help when it’s finally time to find a new relationship. There will be that sort of peer pressure that urges men to get it together and get out there, but feeling pushed into conforming to someone else’s expectations will only cloud your judgment if you are not ready for a new relationship mentally or emotionally.
3. Ready To Date Again?
It can be hard to know exactly when any divorced person might be ready to try dating again. In both sexes, divorce forces self-reflection and throws up all sorts of insecurity issues and the hardest to shift is self-doubt. For some men, it can become an intense mental self-examination that sets off an unhelpful feedback loop of inner dialogue. This creates even more doubt in themselves as a partner for sex, as a husband, as a father, and as a provider to leave them feeling a failure as a man.
Strangely, for such complex anxiety emotions, sometimes they can be fleeting although in some guys, they can settle as a depression that lasts for years. The point is, there is no definitive timescale for getting over a divorce or for when anyone is ready to start dating again. Even when this noisy self-reflection loop finally switches off, the feelings of insecurity are likely to resurface as men enter new relationships. This all part of the recovery and only the individual will be able to recognize when they can handle serious dating again.
4. Start Dating For The Right Reasons
Some men do go out and dive into the dating pool head first, seeing this as the solution to dispel their feelings of anger, rejection, or hurt. This is dating for all the wrong reasons and little more than a knee jerk retaliation that helps reaffirm how they are worth having and still attractive to women. It takes little account of the needs of their date. Although these dalliances provide some solace and are useful if both parties recognize where the limits are, generally speaking, quick rebound relationships are doomed to failure when there is one party still carrying emotional baggage.
5. Realistic Expectations
There’s certainly no need to start dating expecting to find a steady relationship right away. Casual dating has enough to offer if men have realistic expectations about what to expect from new dating partners. Such casual encounters can help develop a new emotional perspective and rebuild a male’s sense of self-worth. It’s important to be honest and open with yourself about what you are looking for, and seek it out by finding like-minded partners.
It is normal to miss the moments of intimate physical contact that is part of being married but when anyone is overcoming rejection, it is also very easy to confuse this deep emotional need as one that can be fulfilled by having sex, and perhaps, it can be, to some degree. Casual dating and meeting for sexual encounters for some is a handy first step towards a full recovery and a sign of the renewed self-confidence that will be needed to enter into more worthwhile relationships.
6. Set Your Priorities
This intermediary time following a divorce can be used constructively to review priorities. Although making decisions about exactly why a marriage broke down can be painful, it does provide insight into what is important to you for a future relationship. Such reflection can, of course, be life-changing but it can also help tighten the focus on what you should be considering important for a successful marriage. It can be something as simple as reducing the hours you work and recognizing how to make room for those you love in a new work-life balance or learning some new ways to be a more attractive man.
7. Take Advantage Of Online Dating
More and more people are turning to online dating sites and apps for dating to find partners and there are sites dedicated to providing a dating service just for divorced men and women. It takes away a lot of the stress of having to justify or explain what went wrong in your marriage. All the members have divorce as a shared complicated experience. These sites work just the same as any other dating site, but their members can enjoy searching for new partners without dealing with any of the stigma around being a divorcee or single parent. Chatting by video or text, is, without doubt, a gentle way and convenient way to get to know someone new.
Although recovering from divorce can be traumatic, it is worth keeping in mind that the vast majority of second marriages are successful. Since the matches dating sites offer these days are surprisingly accurate, it is worth taking the time to create a meaningful profile. With divorce rates as high as they are, there’s almost certain to be women in the area who are also seeking a new relationship after a divorce. There will also be single never before married women, actively seeking the emotional stability that can be found in a relationship with older divorced men.
Recovering from divorce is far easier for some men than it is for others but by joining dating sites, no man needs fear life without a woman. That said, finding dates by joining a dating site can be an alien experience for those who have been away from the dating scene for a while. Over recent years advances in technology have allowed significant changes in the way everyone looks for partners. Using dating sites and dating apps has become the new normal and being a member of good dating service can provide a lot more than female companionship. Time spent in a chatroom is an opportunity to connect with people around you who share the same values, want the same things, and who, perhaps, more importantly, know where it is you are coming from.